Depression

Depression to me is like a deep dark pit that once you have reached bottom there is no escape.
At first began to feel yourself sliding into the shadows and then complete isolation from life.
Things begin to lose their color.
yellows of the sunshine, and blues of the sky fade to a grey and bleak shadow that seems to ovewhelm me.
I can no longer see or hear things that are pleasing to me anymore.
Dark thoughts of fear and failure dwell within my mind almost constantly.
I feel numb to the world and people around me.
I want to be left alone because it takes so much work to hide the true pain and sadness I am feeling.
The guilt for not being able to handle simple conversations.
It is so hard and exhausting to pretend with people that I am ok when in fact I have spiraled downward into what I call THE PIT.

It is deep, dark, lonely and inescapable for me sometimes.

Sorrow

Slowly drowning in my sorrow

Wishing things would be better tomorrow

Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,

gradually sinking and gasping for air.

Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off

Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.

Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact

out of fear of how those close to me, might react.

Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a man, bury themselves deep in my head

As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.

Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,

makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.

Since it seems like things will always be this way,

its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.

Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,

I can at least take comfort in those who really care.

You know who you are, and so do I.

That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

::sigh::