Prove me wrong

Daytime feels just the same as night time to me
Life might as well just be death. honestly

Tell me of a place where I can be happy
Tell me of a life where I can be happy


Tell me a story where I can be someone else

I’m more than just what you see
its the secretes I hide under my skin
its the madness that’s in my veins
its the maze that is my mind
its the myth that is my soul
its the scars that consume my body

Bad Days Crazy Nights

Bad days to come
And there is nowhere to go
I will be stairing at the sun
In the days I will never know.

Don't be fooled by these quiet times
It is the noise of a dying heart
A storm is coming soon
Be sure I will play my part

Bad days to come
Dark clouds ahead
Soon I'll stop loving you
Soon I will be dead.

Fear

I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know That there's much more to come, Immobilized by my fear And soon to be blinded by tears I can stop the pain, If I will it all away Fallen angels at my feet, whispered voices in my ear Death before my eyes lyiing next to me, I fear she beckons me, shall I give in? Upon my end shall I begin Forsaking all I've fallen for? I'll rise to meet the end

Words I Never Said

I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion thats why I despise it
We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you
Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to
I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you
Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through

the weeknd

Bring your love
Baby I can bring my shame
Bring the drugs
Baby I can bring my pain
I got my heart right here
I got my scars right here
Bring the cups, baby I can bring the drink
Bring your body, baby I can bring you fame

(Wicked Games)

Never be stuck in your dreams

Dreams

Never be afraid to go after your dreams

Amy Jacques Garvey ( about Marcus Garvey

From early history to the present, we learn of men and women who have emerged from their environment and so far outdistanced their contemporaries in thought and action that in their day they were apt to be called 'mad, dangerous or fools'.

Long after their death, when the truths were espoused or the experiments they conducted validated... then they who have been convinced by experience are prone to admit that the visionary was right and must have been inspired to be so persevering.

Put me out of my misery!!

Wake in a sweat again another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place there's no escape
I've given up I'm sick of feeling! take this all away
I'm suffocating tell me what the fuck is wrong with me

Put me out of my misery!!
Put me out of my fucking misery!!

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see
these scars.
It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince myself, to just believe
this is real.
A little bit insecure a little unconfident cause you don't understand,
I do what I can but some times I don't make sense

Put me out of my misery!!
Put me out of my fucking misery!!

This Is My Reality

Tell me what do they see when they look at me
Do they see my many personalities
Can you help me? does anybody hear me?
Can they even see me? this is my reality.

Though I can't go on, I'm not satisfied with this being the end
Tell me why can't I just reach up and simply touch the sky
Tell me why can't I spread my arms and fly and fly and fly
Tell me why can't I say this, why can't I do that
Tell me what do they want from me, tell me how to act

You don't know me well enough to label me sick, or even disturbed
Everybody's got insanities...I got a split personality
Can you help me? Do you hear me? Do you see me everytime?

it's my reality but it's just too much for me

How Can You Know My Pain~

How can you know my pain,
when you've never tried to understand.
How can you know my pain,
when you don't know what to do when I cry.
How can you ever possibly imagine,
the pain that is multiplied by your unknowing eyes.
Is that seriously all you will ever know?
Only know the fake happy smiles!!
Only the hidden tears!
Only what you WANT to see!
Well maybe you'll see when the blood flows free!!
Or when the cuts refuse to close!
Maybe you'll see when I'm lying on the floor,
blood and tears all around...
Is that what you want...
To really see my pain?
So you can finally understand,
do I really have to show you like that?

if i die young

If I die young, bury me in white
Lay me down on how you see fit
Sink me in any way you choose to
Send me away with the words of "fucking perfect"

I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe
when she looks up to the clouds,
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be,

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time.
there's a girl here who says she'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife.

A penny for my thoughts, nahhh, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a dead
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been saying
Funny when you're dead how people start listening.

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep dem for when you need them
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them.

growing up

growing up...
your best friend becomes your worst enemy.
lollipops turn into cigarettes.
the innocent ones turn into sluts
homework goes in the trash
detention becomes suspension
soda becomes vodka
undies turn into g strings and boxers
kisses turn into sex
remember when getting high meant swigging on the playground?
when protection meant wearing a helmet?
the worst things to get from boys were cooties
your worst enemies were your siblings
race issues were about who ran the fastest
war was a card game
and the only drug we knew about was cough medicine
the most painful things were skinned knees
and goodbyes only meant untill tomorrow
but to think we all couldn't wait to grow up.

Charlie sheen (ramblings of disoriented mind)

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday


I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories.

Maybe i'm a masochist
it's what made me, saved me, drove me crazy
drove me away then embraced me.

forgive me for all of my shortcomings
yeah it's been a long time coming.

lots of fights, lots of scars, lots of bottles
lots of ups but too many downs.

Aint no happiness now cuz we got nothing to lose.
really don't, what to look for ward too.
this is what. a night alone, a bottle of booze and radio blazing
depressed music high and a mind no where on earth.

life saver

sighh

fucked up my car. flipped the bitch,
unfortunate indeed!!

the way my life is going,
i'm surprised i'm actually alive
living breathing and without injury,
thought my life couldn't get more fucked,
people looking in saying stop bitching and be happy
trust me i'm trying, but you not being me not seeing it's fucking hard,
living in a house where speech is limited, coming home and wanting to leave the same time

i'm not saying its all bad but hey it's far from perfect
soo complicated, cloudy days, its enough to drive me far from normal
but i'm trying not to feel too far from perfect although i know i'm far gone already
critics, they are every where, and thats one of my biggest problems not believing in myself
and they constantly get me down they constantly win!
fuck that, fuck this.

but get this, imah see all of you in hell!

Last Thoughts

words are not gonna help me with this one
fighting is a bad decision
welcome to my silly life
mistreated,, misunderstood, mistaken,
always been the way of my life
underestimated. sometimes feel like dey were right to.
perfect? me? nahh not even close voices in my head never been this clear
could be my last post could be not,
all I know is the voices are getting stronger
my demons are overflowing
my life bent outa shape,
nothings going right,
scared? definitely, trying too hard at life.
it shouldn't be this hard, but why do I do that,
why do we do that,

Whatever happens next believe me when I say,
I fought hard, really hard, sometimes I think too hard,
its a miracle I lasted as long as I did,
and if I last longer hey like dey said
angels have to be watching over me.

Peace and Love!!

Depression

Depression to me is like a deep dark pit that once you have reached bottom there is no escape.
At first began to feel yourself sliding into the shadows and then complete isolation from life.
Things begin to lose their color.
yellows of the sunshine, and blues of the sky fade to a grey and bleak shadow that seems to ovewhelm me.
I can no longer see or hear things that are pleasing to me anymore.
Dark thoughts of fear and failure dwell within my mind almost constantly.
I feel numb to the world and people around me.
I want to be left alone because it takes so much work to hide the true pain and sadness I am feeling.
The guilt for not being able to handle simple conversations.
It is so hard and exhausting to pretend with people that I am ok when in fact I have spiraled downward into what I call THE PIT.

It is deep, dark, lonely and inescapable for me sometimes.

Sorrow

Slowly drowning in my sorrow

Wishing things would be better tomorrow

Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,

gradually sinking and gasping for air.

Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off

Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.

Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact

out of fear of how those close to me, might react.

Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a man, bury themselves deep in my head

As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.

Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,

makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.

Since it seems like things will always be this way,

its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.

Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,

I can at least take comfort in those who really care.

You know who you are, and so do I.

That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

::sigh::