How Can You Know My Pain~

How can you know my pain,
when you've never tried to understand.
How can you know my pain,
when you don't know what to do when I cry.
How can you ever possibly imagine,
the pain that is multiplied by your unknowing eyes.
Is that seriously all you will ever know?
Only know the fake happy smiles!!
Only the hidden tears!
Only what you WANT to see!
Well maybe you'll see when the blood flows free!!
Or when the cuts refuse to close!
Maybe you'll see when I'm lying on the floor,
blood and tears all around...
Is that what you want...
To really see my pain?
So you can finally understand,
do I really have to show you like that?

if i die young

If I die young, bury me in white
Lay me down on how you see fit
Sink me in any way you choose to
Send me away with the words of "fucking perfect"

I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe
when she looks up to the clouds,
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be,

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time.
there's a girl here who says she'll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife.

A penny for my thoughts, nahhh, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a dead
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been saying
Funny when you're dead how people start listening.

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep dem for when you need them
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them.

growing up

growing up...
your best friend becomes your worst enemy.
lollipops turn into cigarettes.
the innocent ones turn into sluts
homework goes in the trash
detention becomes suspension
soda becomes vodka
undies turn into g strings and boxers
kisses turn into sex
remember when getting high meant swigging on the playground?
when protection meant wearing a helmet?
the worst things to get from boys were cooties
your worst enemies were your siblings
race issues were about who ran the fastest
war was a card game
and the only drug we knew about was cough medicine
the most painful things were skinned knees
and goodbyes only meant untill tomorrow
but to think we all couldn't wait to grow up.

Charlie sheen (ramblings of disoriented mind)

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday


I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are going up in smoke with all our memories.

Maybe i'm a masochist
it's what made me, saved me, drove me crazy
drove me away then embraced me.

forgive me for all of my shortcomings
yeah it's been a long time coming.

lots of fights, lots of scars, lots of bottles
lots of ups but too many downs.

Aint no happiness now cuz we got nothing to lose.
really don't, what to look for ward too.
this is what. a night alone, a bottle of booze and radio blazing
depressed music high and a mind no where on earth.

life saver

sighh

fucked up my car. flipped the bitch,
unfortunate indeed!!

the way my life is going,
i'm surprised i'm actually alive
living breathing and without injury,
thought my life couldn't get more fucked,
people looking in saying stop bitching and be happy
trust me i'm trying, but you not being me not seeing it's fucking hard,
living in a house where speech is limited, coming home and wanting to leave the same time

i'm not saying its all bad but hey it's far from perfect
soo complicated, cloudy days, its enough to drive me far from normal
but i'm trying not to feel too far from perfect although i know i'm far gone already
critics, they are every where, and thats one of my biggest problems not believing in myself
and they constantly get me down they constantly win!
fuck that, fuck this.

but get this, imah see all of you in hell!

Last Thoughts

words are not gonna help me with this one
fighting is a bad decision
welcome to my silly life
mistreated,, misunderstood, mistaken,
always been the way of my life
underestimated. sometimes feel like dey were right to.
perfect? me? nahh not even close voices in my head never been this clear
could be my last post could be not,
all I know is the voices are getting stronger
my demons are overflowing
my life bent outa shape,
nothings going right,
scared? definitely, trying too hard at life.
it shouldn't be this hard, but why do I do that,
why do we do that,

Whatever happens next believe me when I say,
I fought hard, really hard, sometimes I think too hard,
its a miracle I lasted as long as I did,
and if I last longer hey like dey said
angels have to be watching over me.

Peace and Love!!